In the circles I run in, there is only one topic that is more taboo to discuss then even religion or politics and that topic is what school you think your children should attend. This conversation gets under my skin every time. I can get emotional, I can get angry, and I can get put off but worst of all I can get tempted to tell you exactly what I think about what you think. The truth is it doesn’t matter what I think because there is no right answer. What is right for you and your family is right for you and your family and what is right for me and my family is exactly that, right for me and my family. It isn’t a one-size fits all equation. So why do I tend to get so defensive and what can I do to be free of all that junk?
I feel like the core of this issue for me resides in pride. It is born out of the need to compare myself to other people. We want to feel superior thus leading us to try to make superior decisions in which we are hoping for superior outcomes. Pride exists in the desire to be better or have more then the other person and for a lot of moms that desire plays out in our kids. We want our children to prove our superior parenting styles and our above average intellects.
To be determined superior we would need a judge, or someone involved who is qualified to pronounce a “winner” in these sorts of controversies. But there isn’t a human on earth qualified for this position because no human can look into the future and see exactly what impact a certain school is going to have on our little people or see how these little people will ultimately turn out as big people, and besides, there are so many other factors to consider that you would never be comparing apples to apples. If I am seeking Jesus for guidance, I can trust that He will guide me and where He leads me is going to be different from where He leads you because I am me and you are you.
So, I believe pride is the culprit and our desire to compare ourselves to each other instead of allowing God to be the judge, which is our downfall. In 1 Corinthians 4:3 the Apostle Paul has a very different outlook and I think if I can adopt it for my own I will be free of these prideful exchanges. He says,
“I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.”
I have been re-reading Timothy Keller’s book The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness. I say re-reading because this is one of those books I like to keep handy to help me get my head right every time I feel like the comparison monster is creeping into my heart (and this can be often). He calls boosting our self-esteem a “trap”. And I couldn’t agree more. Timothy talks about gospel-humility and he says,
“True gospel-humility means I stop connecting every experience, every conversation, with myself. In fact, I stop thinking about myself. The freedom of self-forgetfulness. The blessed rest that only self-forgetfulness brings.”
I want some of that!
Timothy Keller ties this back to what Paul is saying in 1 Corinthians. Paul seems to suggest, ‘I don’t care what you think and I don’t care what I think’ and (I might add) we both should only care what God thinks. This needs to be my new motto.
This way of thinking could help me in so many areas of my life, especially when keeping up with the Jones’ is such a part of our culture. Again, I do not want to be of this world and this world’s culture. I want to follow Paul’s example and only worry about what God is asking of me, what God’s judgment of me will be. I want to put my trust in God, knowing that He has full control over my children’s education and future. I don’t need to be worried about any of it, nor do I need to be boastful or prideful and I certainly don’t need to be comparing my plan to yours. I need to stop caring about what you think and stop caring about what I think but keep my goals in line with what Jesus thinks so that I can find freedom amidst these difficult conversations.
To all my friends whom I might have offended with my strong opinions, I apologize!
Desperately Seeking Sally 