Category: Prayer

Prayer topics

Battle, Christianity, MSM, Prayer, Red Pill, The Storm

The Red Pill

Sally

I’ve been very unsure of how or where to start. How do you begin to explain a journey that took me to the pits of hell, around three or four times and back again? My head exploded on several occasions and I was close to losing my faith more than once. Seeing our world for what it really is can be excruciating and knowing that we rub elbows with absolute evil on a daily basis can be extremely unsettling. My heartbreak came from a place of true patriotism, because I have loved America and all that I thought she stood for and upheld (liberty and justice for all). As I struggled deciding where to begin, I realized that it matters not. This journey is like a gigantic tangle of yarn knotted and frayed and beyond straightening out. It doesn’t matter where I begin because if you pull on any one little stray thread it all leads back to this one common denominator. Any one subject followed will eventually link up to all the other subjects which all tie back to the beginning, the very beginning, when Satan and his fallen angles first appear on earth with their insatiable desire to kill, steal, destroy and to be worshiped in the process. We’ve been so completely lied to that it’s going to be hard to accept. People we have learned to trust since birth have been quietly undoing our country, our society, our security and most importantly our knowledge of God.

This moment, right now, is straight from the movie The Matrix when Morpheus sits down with Neo and say’s, “After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.”

Now it’s your turn. It’s time for you to decide which “pill” you take. You can stop reading now, take the blue pill, and lull yourself back to unconscious sleep comforted by a false sense of security, resuming the sheeple life of complacency with the rest of the herd and stand down until evil is actually physically knocking at your door (if it will even give you the courtesy of a knock). **DISCLAIMER** If this is what you choose I think you should know at what risk. There is a spiritual reality that you or your loved ones could lose their way through a shattering of faith and hope or by succumbing to the enemies tactics of fear mongering. There are also physical risks such as disruptive brain function or avoidable illness and disease, not to mention the risk of losing freedoms both physical and constitutional. Lastly, if you choose to remain ignorant you are also forfeiting a once in a lifetime opportunity to join forces with God’s remnant of people fighting the most epic battle we will ever see in our lifetime.

Or choose to be brave by taking the red pill, all the while seeking God, His wisdom, His discernment and His protection!

Red pill incoming . . . Here, swallow my friend, and know that you won’t be alone on this journey. The truth is ugly at times but also very exciting. Your spiritual life will never be the same after this, but my hope for you is that it will be better because God is sovereign and Almighty and loving and gracious. He wrote the end of His book the Bible and He wins, not Satan. We have a call to heed and it’s for each and every one of us to stand up and fight! The bottom line is, it’s in GOD we trust. If at any time you start to freak (and you will) please remember we are not called to be afraid but to put on the full armor of God. Go back and read my blog titled Armor of God for points about what that looks like. It’s time to grow our faith, to wake up and help others to wake up as well. Let’s do this thing.

Because it doesn’t really matter where I start (all roads lead to the same location), I’ll start at my own beginning, my own red pill experience, and let the cards fall where they may. I have had rumblings in my spirit, whisperings of truth and unanswered questions throughout my life but I had never vocalized them to anyone. I assumed that I wasn’t smart enough to understand certain things and that maybe there was information out there that I just wasn’t privy to or capable of comprehending. Couple that with certain subjects being very unappealing to my personality or outside my personal interests and you will see how I went about my life not really paying attention to things like politics, science, or astronomy. I have always been very trusting of our government, government agencies, military, police and Christian leaders alike. I’m a “rule follower” and type A personality but still someone who reads a lot and pursues free thinking. It was when Donald J. Trump and Hillary Rodham Clinton announced they were running for President that I perked up. I have always voted from the time I was old enough, appreciating my right to do so, but I had never felt like my vote made much of a difference. Then Franklin Graham, the Christian evangelist, started touring the United States calling on people to repent of our sins and to repent on behalf of the sins of our Nation. His tour helped me understand where politics were interfering with my personal beliefs and those belief systems. I began to see that voting one candidate over another could help undo certain biblical injustices and that I had a responsibility to vote in such a way that underscored God’s law over human preferences. It was then that I started to see a line in the political sand being drawn. This line was become more and more prominent as the debates became more and more about globalism and liberalism instead of the preservation of our Constitution. I had always thought of myself as an Independent but as the political race was unfolding I realized I needed to pick a side and it needed to be based on personal beliefs measured against God’s own Word and not on the premise of being “politically correct”. I needed to stop being worried about hurting someone else’s feelings because of their beliefs but instead become worried that my own belief’s were about to be persecuted and stifled. Listening to Hillary talk and watching her on TV actually physically frightened me but I knew nothing about Donald J. Trump other than what the Main Stream Media (MSM) was saying about him and that scared me too. I prayed a lot prior to that election. I know a lot of people were praying and that if you weren’t voting for Hillary then you weren’t saying who you were voting for because you would be ostracized like nothing else. So, I looked at all the issues that each candidate supposedly stood for and I voted for Donald J. Trump.

This is when things started to get weird. Donald J. Trump won the presidency. He wasn’t supposed to win, and according to the MSM he wasn’t winning right up until the last second when they finally had to concede that he indeed DID win. All their supposed polls and figures and early calculations had Hillary winning no problem.

James Barrett reporting with The Daily Wire on November 9, 2016 states, “On the morning of the election, Real Clear Politics’ average of the national polls showed Clinton with a 3.3% national lead over Trump and a projected Electoral College victory of 272 to 266. Instead, Clinton ended up with only a 0.2% popular vote advantage and suffering a devastating 232 to 306 loss. At no point before the election did the state poll averages show Trump winning the necessary 270 electoral votes.”

I had felt defeated long before the election actually took place thinking I was one of the last people on this planet who valued things like life, 2nd amendment rights, fixing the root of certain problems regardless of being called a “racist”, supporting our sister-in-Christ Israel, bringing our jobs back into our country, and respecting and caring for our veterans. It seems now that I wasn’t alone, instead I was part of what has been called “the silent majority”. What causes us to be silent? The fear of being labeled and misunderstood by our friends, family or neighbors comes to mind. I have a lot of respect for other people’s opinions and beliefs but I’ve found that if mine are not in agreement then I am not allowed that same respect. Thankfully we can still vote our truth behind a curtain in the privacy of a ballot box, and that’s what the majority of America did.

Then Trump takes office and the weirdness just gets worse. MSM seems unwilling to acknowledge that a majority of our Nation voted this man into office and they started running wild with negative narratives and false accusations that seemed to be fueled out of a childlike spitefulness. All the while, really bad things were coming to light about the Clinton Foundation, HRC herself because of a Uranium One deal and unsecured email servers, there was even some shady things surfacing about a $400 million Iran cash deal that implicated Obama and his administration but the MSM was too preoccupied to do much with that news because it was so busy spinning a Russian collusion story like a last ditch effort to usurp Trump. This was my first taste of the red pill. I have had almost zero interest in politics other than trying to make an educated vote. I have always listened to the news with reserved horror because of all the bad things happening in the world, in my country, in my state or my town. I have never once entertained the idea that the news media could be misdirecting me by reporting in an impartial way and never that they were lying to me but by golly if it wasn’t right there undeniably in my face. And as I watched this thing unfold with new discerning eyes, other players started coming on the scene – Hollywood actors and actresses, music entertainers, NFL players, Democrats, Liberals, protest groups, and talk show hosts. The noise got louder and louder and yet there was no concrete reason for it. Then Twitter happened and I’m so thankful it did. I am not an avid Twitter user but I got myself an account for one reason only, to get my news straight from the source. Yes, Trump has an “in-your-face” way of expressing himself on Twitter but I actually find it refreshing because he does not care. He is not owned by anyone, he didn’t need to run for president, he cares not for political correctness, he knows our country’s issues from a business man’s perspective and he ran so he could personally help our country get back on track to the best of his ability. He is unapologetically patriotic, politically incorrect and he is unafraid to talk about God. So here was Donald Trump actually calling out the MSM as “fake news” and it was so exhilarating because it confirmed what I was seeing for myself, biased, fake sourced, media outlets spewing out what I can now understand to be propaganda. The questions that beg to be answered are why and how (legally and financially) is this happening.

For starters, let’s follow the money. Who “owns” the media? Through mergers, consolidations and monopolies a very small number of major corporations have taken control of every one of our mainstream media resources. The biggest players are Time Warner, Walt Disney, Viacom, News Corporation, CBS Corporation, and NBC Universal. For a complete and interactive list you can visit freepress.net to educate yourself on just how far reaching these corporations are because it’s not just where we get our “news” on television, it’s our radio, magazines, newspapers and entertainment too. Is it too out of the question to think that whom ever pays the most for advertising or whom ever is the biggest share holder gets to pull the strings of this gigantic beast for whatever purposes they might have? Isn’t it interesting that we call television “programming”. Have certain individuals realized that if you control the narrative you can control the masses? Are you being “programmed” literally? If someone is in a position to manipulate people by telling them what to think, believe, fight for, fear, need, or want while raking in a huge profit what’s to stop them?

This is where I will leave you today, at the lip of your first rabbit-hole, or if you are already very much awake to all this media coercion then I’ll see you at the next blog. I strongly believe that no one person can tell you what is true, you have to find it out for yourself. And, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink which to me means that there is only so much responsibility that I personally can take in helping people find the truth in reality and that responsibility has its boundaries. I could make myself physically ill trying to explain every last detail of every little bit of evidence that I have ever researched and found in the hopes of convincing you of the problem. There is a massive amount of research waiting for YOU to do personally, not just so that you can be educated but also so you can hone your own skill at discernment for truth and so that you can be educated enough to help red pill someone else. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you a nudge when something feels wrong, ask Him to lead you to the next truth, ask Him to open your eyes, to lift the veil and to expose the lies. Also, its very important that you leave all that you think you know here. The only thing you get to “know” is that God is the Alpha and the Omega (Revelation 22:13) and that His Word is Truth. Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;” Proverbs 3:7 “Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.” Acts 20:29-30 “I (Jesus) know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock, even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them.” John17:15-17 “My (Jesus) prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.”

**A Word of Caution**
Certain widely used search engines “track” and subvert their searches behind the scene. To avoid this alarming thing, I strongly suggest using DuckDuckGo.com instead. Set it up in your Safari settings as the default search engine prior to taking this journey. You will thank me later. I encourage you to use YouTube in your research but I acknowledge that it can be a slippery slope because not all YouTubers are reliable sources and many are simply there to pass on disinformation, however there are some very knowledgeable sources too that have taken these subjects on as a real journalist should – presenting facts and resources in an intelligent and meaningful way. Be aware that YouTube has been censoring people, deleting videos, and demonetizing channels as a way to control narrative also so if you see a video that looks juicy you might want to watch it post haste before it mysteriously gets removed. Many of the videos that I have found very helpful are no longer available. I think that this has the opposite effect than what these controllers are hoping for because I take those videos as probable proof since they are obviously deemed a threat to the point of deletion. Also, stay away from Wikipedia and Snopes. They are NOT reliable for truth.

Below are a list of buzz words to help you get going with your research. This list can get you started but you might want to keep track of other words, resources, articles, YouTube videos, etc. that come up as you go. These rabbit-holes are very, very curvy and branch out into whole other dimensions. You can easily get lost so always come back to God and what He say’s is true. God does not lie (Numbers 23:19, Titus 1:2). Finally, if you don’t think you have the time to figure this stuff out for yourself, all I can say is we have lost too much valuable time as it is. We have all but given over our country, our children, our peace, our health and our minds because we have been asleep for such a long time. We cannot go back but we can go forward with a vengeance and we can regain precious ground before it really is too late.

Buzz Words:
Operation Mockingbird
Media Mind Control
Hollywood Mind Control
CIA and the MSM
Black Propaganda
Predictive Programming
George Soros and MSM
Obama Executive Order: Using Behavioral Science Insights to Better Serve the American People
H.R. 5736 (112th) Smith-Mundt Modernization Act 2012

Battle, Christianity, Church, Holy Spirit, Prayer, The End Times, The Storm, Uncategorized, War

Armor of God

Sally

Let me first reintroduce myself. My name is Sally, and like my name, I would consider myself to be very old fashioned. I have old fashioned principles, morals and tastes. I’m a conservative, a Christian, a stay-at-home mom and a wife who has little use for feminism. I like Turner Classic movies, classic novels, Christian music, and being a homemaker. I need to tell you this because what I’ve discovered is so shocking and outside the box for someone such as myself that I have no idea how I ever swallowed that initial red pill or squeezed down that first rabbit hole. I can only say that on some subconscious level I have always had questions that were silently stewing, questions that could only be asked from a place of good old fashioned common sense. Perhaps there are things we just know in our soul but have been conditioned to forget and the moment you dare confront yourself about these things your soul suddenly nudges you toward a different truth, a truth that ousts the lie. It seems truth will be made known, sooner or later, and with truth comes freedom (John8:32). For me, I’ve been a lifelong seeker and lover of truth and as the Bible promises us, if you seek you will find (Matthew 7:7). I believe I’ve been called to be a Watchman and my specialty seems to be reconnaissance. I’m not claiming that everything I’ve discovered is 100% accurate or true, I’m just asking you and myself to keep an open mind to the idea that there is a lot we don’t know or understand about the world and therefore this leaves a possibility for those things to be true. Unfortunately, there is overwhelming evidence that a large majority of what I’ve found out IS true and IS accurate and from that perspective I can only point us to God for the next step. As a Watchman it is my duty to sound the alarm and to inspire others to do the same. I pray I am not too late!

I’m going to start with the antidote first. The things that will be revealed are so horrific, so evil, so scary and so pervasive that if I don’t give you the antidote right now, up front, then I might lose you. You need to lean into our Lord Jesus Christ. Why would the occult be so widespread and so intently practiced (which I will show you later) if there wasn’t a God? The antithesis of evil is good, which is the age old idea of Satan vs God. There has never been such a testimony to the proof of God’s existence than the countless people who go out of their way to align themselves with Satan and his agenda. To do this they pervert and invert all the good that God has established and use it to worship Satan. Satan is the father of lies and the fabric of our society is built on these lies. Because of this battle between good and evil, we need to know right now, with absolute urgency and certainty, that The End is here! The End is the final battle, the culmination of centuries where God has been raising up a people, His church, His bride, His chosen ones, before He ends Satan’s reign once and for all. Our awakening is eminent and necessary so that we can put on our God given armor and fight with Him and for Him! God is real, He is taking action, but we are called to fight alongside Him and our cooperation and participation is necessary and vital.

As Ephesians 6:14-18 NIV details “Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the word of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.”

And also, as it is reflected in verse 20, pray that we all may declare the gospel and all of the truth fearlessly as we should.  The truth I have discovered will be explained further in following blogs and we need to couple this truth with God’s truth in the Bible so that we can understand the enemy and what we are fighting for and against. You would never want to have to go fight in the front lines of any war blind. It would be pointless because you would be an easy target and you would also be in danger of shooting people on the same side as you. This is actually happening right now. People are out “shooting” the good guys because they haven’t been awoken to the truth yet. They are actually undermining the war effort and are oblivious that they are fighting for the wrong side. We just can’t have that because a house divided falls (Mark 3:25).

Jesus also says in Luke 10:23 NIV “Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.”

Now is not the time to be divided, now is the time to unite and start a revolution in Jesus’ name!

We need our breastplate of righteousness in place. Have you repented of your self-sufficiency and asked Jesus to be your Lord and Savior? This is important for the cause. The evil you will face is real and the only protection that can be offered you comes through Jesus from God Himself.

John 14:6 NIV is very clear, Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

There is no tangible weapon that we will be able to use to obliterate the evil ones with. There isn’t some atomic bomb or machine gun or biological weapon that will have an effect on them. They live in a spiritual dimension and are spirit beings that cannot be killed. The only weapons we have are of a spiritual nature and the only effective way to war against them is God’s way. A breastplate is a protective covering. You need the enemy to recognize you as one of God’s children as it carries significant implications against them and gives you authority over them.

In Luke 10:18-19 NIV Jesus says, “I saw Satan fall like lightening from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.” In Matthew 16:18-19 NIV Jesus tells us, “. . . On this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”

In Matthew 10:1 Jesus gave His disciples the authority to drive out impure spirits and to heal every disease and sickness. In Acts 2:21 Peter reminds us that in the last days everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.  If you do not truly believe with all your heart that you are saved through the blood of Jesus on the cross then how can you stand firmly on the gospel in peace and with readiness? You just can’t. Once you believe and accept Jesus into your heart as your one and only Savior, only then can the gift of His Holy Spirit be supernaturally imparted to you and the fruits of that Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22) Without knowing Him you won’t know peace. It’s a peace that surpasses human understanding (Philippians 4:7) and this kind of peace is vital to stand up against the the type of ugliness that this war is being waged against, a war like none we have ever seen.

We need our shield of faith. Through faith in God, our salvation through Jesus, and in what the Bible says is true, we can be shielded from whatever the enemy tries to throw at us. If we renew our mind in the truth of the Bible, the enemy’s lies can be easily overcome. If we rest in the peace of our salvation through faith, we can learn to be fearless while facing the enemy head on. Through our faith that God’s Word is true and will be fulfilled, we get to know before we begin who wins this battle; spoiler alert it’s Jesus who wins and Satan and his legions get locked away for eternity. You really want to be fighting on the winning side (trust me or read Revelation). Having unshakable faith is vital to this fight as is our helmet of salvation because like in the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, (see the story in the third chapter of Daniel) we will be faced with some really scary stuff and we will need to be willing to calmly and confidently walk into that hypothetical fiery furnace knowing that God has a plan and even if that plan allows us to be killed in our flesh it does not end our eternal story. The key here is no fear. Fear is not an option in this war. Fear is exactly what these evil spirits are feeding on, literally, and I will show you proof of this later. If we give way to fear than we acquiescent to the devil. The only fear we should entertain is a healthy fear of the Lord and even then through His perfect love, fear is driven out (1 John 4:18).

As is stated in 2 Timothy 1:7 NIV “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

If we are timid (fearful) then we are not using our power and we need our power to defeat the evil ones.

This leads into a final and very vital weapon of this war, prayer. As was already pointed out in Ephesians 6, we need to be praying in all occasions, for God’s people, and for God’s anointed. Prayer is our weapon in the spirit realm. If you are unfamiliar with prayer or even if you are already a seasoned prayer warrior I highly recommend you read The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. We can be greatly encouraged about the power of prayer. Through prayer we deliver the most effective battle wounds to our enemy. God hears our prayers and deploys His Angel Army (in part) according to our collective voice. The Bible speaks for itself on this matter.

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16 NIV. Psalm 122:6 NIV “Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: May those who love you be secure. May there be peace within your walls and security within your citadels.” Psalm 5:2 NIV “Hear my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV “”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. “I will be bound by you”, declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” James 5:16 NIV “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” Philippians 4:6 NIV “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” John 15:7 NIV “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” Romans 8:26 NIV “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.”

This last verse is particularly close to my heart these days. After everything I have learned, there really are no words. The monstrosities that people have been capable of have left me shocked, speechless, and heartbroken. I used to think to myself, as I looked around, that the condition of the world was not that bad yet. God was only going to come when things were really, really bad. Sodom and Gomorrah bad (see the story in Genesis chapter 13). But, I now know that in many ways the current condition of our world is much, much worse because it involves our helpless and beloved children. Please consider these things that I’ve shared and ask God for guidance. If you are ready to take up arms for the battle that the Lord is calling us to, then please stay tuned here for the unfolding of some long ignored truth. I will try to deliver the next bits of information fast because I understand that there is an urgency to get as many people up to speed as possible. So, God willing or until I get censored, I’ll see you soon. God bless and protect America!

 

Books, Character, Christianity, Finances, Friendship, Love, Marriage, Money, Personal, Prayer, Quotes, Uncategorized

Marriage Initiative Take 1

Sally

I was anxious to start this new year, as I am every year, because the idea of a fresh start is so irresistible. I’ve already decided that the focus for positive change this year will be my marriage. I lost a significant friendship a year and a half ago and had some other friendships diminish into the outer layers of life focus and intention and with that I’ve felt a substantial loss and a desire to realign my connectivity to the world and my place in it closer to home and truer to my core values. Is it possible that I could foster a deeper relationship with my husband? A relationship where he could be my best friend and me his? 

I’ve had those “bitch” sessions with many of my friends and family about what our spouses will or won’t do, how they treat us or don’t, if they “get” us or not, and I’ve always dolled out the sage advice, “You can only change you so focus on that”. According to many of the marriage books I’ve read, and even the bible, effecting big positive change in a relationship can come about by making small positive changes in ourselves (accompanied by intensive prayer of course). That seems all nice and cozy attainable in theory but it can also cause some serious counter-cultural panic attacks because let’s face it, we live in a world of “me” philosophy. We are conditioned to think “what about me?” thoughts and to live very selfishly because if WE don’t work hard to look out for OUR own interests – no one will, or so we believe.

I’ll go first. I will take one for the team ladies and gents. I will lay down my pursuit of things that serve me in the effort to find something that will hopefully be life changing for my marriage. I wanted to call this effort the Marriage Experiment but realized that the acronym was then going to be ME and we can’t have that! We are supposed to be laying ME down in all of this so I’m now calling it the Marriage Initiative (which is still “me” in Spanish but we won’t go there). I want to see firsthand what kind of changes I can effect in my relationship with my husband by making changes to myself in my approaches, my words, and my actions. If the changes I see are worthy and sustainable then my hope is to inspire you to look at making similar changes in your relationships so that we all can experience that depth of intimacy we crave and were wired for.

A famous quote by Albert Einstien, “Insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” pretty much sums up a lot of our marriages don’t you think? Many of us think if I just get angrier, if I give less and less, if I stay more silent, if I withhold things – then he will finally notice me and take care of my needs for once. We all keep falling back on these patterns and it’s insanity! If anything, I think it propels us closer to divorce thoughts, fears and realities. I don’t want to go there! I’m only eleven years in with my marriage and I need to make it a good forty or so more. Yes it’s work, get over it. And it’s vulnerability at its finest but let’s face it, nothing worthwhile in this life comes easy and effortless. Luckily, I’ve already read Brene’ Brown so I’m feeling fairly equipped for those terrifying moments of being transparent, vulnerable, wholehearted and seen (I realize there will be many of those moments along the way).

To get the conversation started, the first thing I did was sit down with my husband and ask him to take an intimacy test/questionnaire with me. I won’t lie, it took prayer and lots of prodding to get my husband to participate. But, I told him that I wanted to work on some things and I pointed out how he would directly benefit from this exercise if only he would answer a few questions. 40 Forms of Intimacy: Integrating Daily Connection Into Your Couple Relationship written by Alexander Avila, was a very helpful guide in establishing a starting point. Avila helps you take a close look at what your personal connections with your partner are and he identifies forty different types of connections we can sustain in a marriage. John (my husband) and I took the “Personal Intimacy Inventory” spelled out in the book. At each type of intimacy (and no, we are not talking all things sexual – there are many other types) you ask each other did we have this at one time, do we have it now, or do we want it or want to maintain it for the future of our marriage. Some things are more important to me and some more important to him and this helped give us insight into what we both would consider enriching to our relationship.

One of the top ones John pointed out that he would like me to work on is (and if you’ve read any of my previous blogs this won’t come as a shock) Financial Intimacy. It is defined by Avila as “experiencing a sense of closeness while earning, saving, spending, giving and investing together”.  Yikes. I feel like closeness is a two-way street. I might be more willing to save if I knew what we were saving for, if I felt like I was part of a team working toward a common and exciting goal. Investing is something my husband does in a private and undisclosed way, can I be made privy of all that and be part of those decisions? I sense that when he says he wants financial intimacy he really means he just wants me to not spend money and not ask money questions. This typically would be an impasse for us but maybe, just maybe, it is an opportunity for me to make small changes that would hopefully effect the bigger picture and draw us to real intimacy in that area of our relationship. But what to do?

Here is my game plan. First, I have to be willing to show up and be vulnerable in the conversation. Money talks bring up a lot of old Daddy issues for me and typically set off triggers that compute into intense feelings of shame. If we are going to get intimate on this subject I’m going to have to be able to stay in the room regardless of my feelings of discomfort. I will remind him that I have difficulty with this subject matter and ask him to be mindful of my fight or flight instinct. Next, I need to make the first move toward meeting his financial needs by intentionally not spending excess money. If I can show him my diligence in this maybe he will be able to take me seriously on other money subjects, like making a plan for our kids college future, trusts, or financial investment strategies. Finally, I will be praying for God’s help in this.I will ask Him for wisdom, self-control, and a softness between my husband and I so that we can move forward in financial unity. It’s an experiment remember, so give me some time to implement my plan and I’ll check in with progress (good and bad) as I stay committed to the process. Help me Jesus!

Books, Character, Christianity, Fitness, Missions, Personal, Prayer, Pride, Struggle

To Walk the Walk

Sally

I’ve been down (although not completely out).  It seems that I continue to have a lot to learn about perseverance and staying on the path.  Summer tends to do this to me.   If I don’t have a schedule then I completely derail.  I continue to go on a crash course until I can’t stand myself or my kids one second longer and then I finally remember what the answer is, cling to God!  I cannot do it on my own, I never have been able to and I don’t expect to be able to for eternity.  I need to remember my dependence and embrace it like my life depends upon it because, well it does.

I had a mini-break down and got on my knees in full on confession.  Of course, I instantly felt better.  I suddenly had hope again because I realized that God was going to see me through.  The reality is He never left me; I was hiding from Him and from myself.  Why do I do this?

One thing I was recently made aware of is that I have some issues with fear.  I would never say that I was afraid of much before.  I don’t care too much about what people think of me, I have learned to not be fearful of my children’s future or my husband’s God –status.  I am not afraid of death or the future and money never had my heart.  None the less, I have discovered a lack of willingness to live my life to the fullest and I think it stems from fear.  I suspect it could be fear of the hard work required to crucify the flesh and finish something (obedience falls in there too).  I have been made aware of some strongholds in my life and how I might have left a door open to the enemy, giving him some dominion in my home.  Not good.

I need to be set free (again).  The first step to freedom is identifying what areas have been taken by strongholds and identifying what they are.  According to Robert Morris, in his book titled Truly Free: Breaking the Snares That So Easily Entangle, a sure sign there might be strongholds and footholds in our life is if we can identify continual and habitual sin.  Sin allows Satan on opportunity to control and influence us.  I would have to say yes, this has been true for me this summer.  My confession is that I have a habit of “numbing” by way of Netflix. It might not seem like sin to an outsider but I’ve learned that sin can be very overt in this way.   I can watch BBC episodes unending (something about those Brits!) and I do – as a means to escape my real life.  I don’t feel like dealing with my boys so then I’m off to my room to watch an episode.  I don’t feel like working out or cleaning or talking to my husband – off to my room to watch.  Sin!  I know that it is a distraction from what I really need to be doing and it keeps me from engaging in the fight and from really living my own life.  It steals, kills and destroys hours of precious life one hour at a time.  Sound familiar?  Sound like a door open for the enemy?  Does to me, and I’m addicted.  I’m being a slave to television not to God and therefore a slave to sin which leads to death and I will tell it to you straight, I have felt dead.  I have opened a door in my life for the enemy and I am a fool to think there won’t be consequences.

Another thing Robert Morris says that points to strongholds are continued illnesses.  I haven’t been sick from a physical standpoint but I have definitely been unhealthy.  I have gained a lot of weight and become very weak.  I can tell my body is breaking down and it is more than just my age starting to catch up to me.  I have developed a fear of working out (notice the word work there?).  I dread it and have been avoiding it for some unknown reason.  I think I have been believing  some lies that suggest  I can’t lose weight, that I can’t stick to a program to completion, that I can’t make my goals and so why try.  I denounce those lies!  If God says that I can do all things through Him then I can, and that includes completing some personal goals for healthy living and an active lifestyle.  I need to trust in what God says about me and what He has planned for me and I need to start embracing my calling which includes a healthy version of me.  Put the oxygen on yourself before helping others right?

The last thing to beware of is what he calls “continued influence”.  Thank goodness I haven’t gone that far off the deep end.  I don’t do astrology, horoscopes, psychics or the like.  Never have, never will.  I have recently become very sensitive to the idea of the spiritual world and how real it is (another blog) and that is why I am so disappointed that I may have left a door open in my home for the enemy to waltz right in and take me down.

One thing that has been saving me is God’s Word.  I still read my daily digest (as I call it) most every day and catching up when I miss.  This renewal of my mind has been imperative.  For me, it requires a good forty-five minutes of: Jesus Lives and Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, Love Out Loud: 365 Devotions for Loving God, Loving Yourself and Loving Others by Joyce Meyer, Breaking Free Day by Day and Praying God’s Word Day by Day by Beth Moore, My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers, The One Year Bible NLT from Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Devotions for Sacred Parenting: A Year of Weekly Devotions for Parents and Devotions for a Sacred Marriage: A Year of Weekly Devotions for Couples by Gary L. Thomas, Get Low: Reflections on Pride and Humility by Jack Wisdom and last but not least  65 Promises from God for Your Child: Powerful Prayers for Supernatural Results by Mike Shreve.  Does it seem like over kill?  Well, when you struggle with parenting, pride and love issues it’s not!

Here’s the thing, you can read all you want about God, self-help, God-help, spirituality, what to do, what not to do, etc. and it doesn’t make a bit of difference if you don’t actually apply the principals to your life.  At the very best it can be just another numbing technique (I suspect it has become dangerously close to this for me).  Kind of like feeling skinnier simply because you bought the gym membership or the treadmill.  I need to walk the walk and what I can’t seem to get is that walking actually requires steps to be made.  Not just a wiggle of a toe, not just a comprehensive head nod, or an amen, but an actual step.  And when you string these series of steps upon steps and look back you can finally see that you walked.  Then you realize that you need God to direct these steps so that you are on His chosen path for you and that you do not have the luxury of straying to the left or to the right because He loves you and He knows what ditch, cliff or stronghold waits for you on either side and you learn to trust Him in all things because of a relationship.  And a meaningful relationship with Him can only be developed through consistent prayer and submission.  I realize that I need to be talking to God before I leave the house because that’s where the majority of “steps” take place and I don’t want to be off my path from the get go.

I heard somewhere recently that while faith is an act of worshiping God, fear is an attitude of worshiping Satan.  I do not want to feed my fears, no matter how small and insignificant they might seem.  I do not want to give the enemy the pleasure of stopping me from reaching my potential, my goals and my ministry.  I need to make a series of steps, which make up a walk that show perseverance and a total reliance and trust in my Lord.  I have confessed to you my struggle and now I need a plan.  It starts simple I believe.  It starts with asking God to be with me as I fight the desire to resist working out, resist eating donuts, resist BBC programing.  It starts with noticing a hesitation, a bio-reaction maybe that smacks of fear and moving through that feeling with courage.  It’s when you make it through to the other side that you get to experience that wonder of joy and accomplishment.  That is where I want to live, in the arena with gloves on.  Meet me there!

Character, Christianity, Forgiveness, Holy Spirit, Personal, Prayer, Quotes, Words

Grievances

Sally

I hadn’t been able to write a follow up to my Dragon scales problem until now because I was still very much in the middle of it and truly confused about what was causing all of my turmoil. I am feeling much better this week and can finally see some things with clarity. I still do not understand all of the in’s and out’s of what was bothering me but what I have come to understand I will share with you now.

First off, I must confess that I was spiritually “coasting”. I had my feet off the biblical pedals and when things started to head up hill I didn’t have the oomph to get through because I had left my power source turned off. I don’t know why I wasn’t reading my daily bible or why I stopped talking to God regularly. I wasn’t mad at Him or trying to ignore Him in my life, I was just tired. I lost sight of the fact that especially when we are tired and discouraged we need to stay connected to God.

Also, smack dab in the middle of these past few weeks was Easter. I felt very flat and unemotional during this time. Because Easter is to be a holy reminder of a very big event in our Christian heritage, my level of disconnect was alarming to me. Jesus died on the cross for me and here I was pouring candy down my gullet in a way a severe alcoholic might pour whiskey down theirs. Having recently acknowledged a possible sugar addiction and just coming off a 10-day sugar detox, I saw this as a symptom of deeper stuff going on as well. My flesh was screaming at me.

Another thing, whenever I bowed my head to pray at church or in my prayer group, tears just poured out of my head. I didn’t feel sad, I didn’t feel angry, I didn’t have anything on my mind even. I was having an overwhelming physical response to what my spirit must have been feeling. Was my spirit grieving?

Luckily I happened to listen to one of Joyce Meyer’s programs on television. It really spoke to my heart and clued me in on some things that were going on, some sins that were eating at me. I ritually watch her program while I put my makeup on for the day, except not these last few weeks. Again, I was coasting. But for some reason I did watch this one. That reason, I believe, was because I needed to watch it.

Joyce was preaching directly to the subject of grieving the Holy Spirit. She said,

“I went to church for many years, I never understood the power of my words, did not understand them at all, therefore I just said what I wanted to, anytime I wanted to, and I was just constantly grieving the Holy Spirit and opening doors for the enemy in my life and didn’t even know it.”

Check and check. She points us to Ephesians 4:30 (NIV is my version) where it says,

“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”

I remember this.  I know you shouldn’t grieve the Holy Spirit but what I didn’t remember or know is what Joyce points to a few minutes later – verses 29 and 31! Verse 29 says,

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

And verse 31 says,

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”

Yes, it is my words that are causing me trouble.  I know I over share.  I tell too much information to all the wrong people. I occasionally will cuss and exaggerate. I sometimes have subtle forms of malice in my heart and what is in my heart my mouth eventually speaks (Matthew 12:34).  I need to be very careful that what I say is helpful according to other people’s needs. It needs to benefit those who are listening to me. That guideline alone will cut my conversations to an absolute minimum. I need to think hard before I open my mouth and I need to stay in touch with God continually for His help in this area because it is proving to be very hard.

Looking back over these past few weeks I wonder how I got so easily sidetracked. I marvel at how fast the enemy can use those moments of weakness to stage a full frontal attack. As Joyce also pointed out, our words can either speak life or death. I have been speaking death! I feel terrible that I have been speaking “death” over probably a truck load of people because my words were of this world’s standard and not God’s. This has become a very strong conviction for me. I think I will need to implement a word fast. I will limit myself to uplifting conversation, to conversation that is necessary, holding myself not to speculation but only to absolute truth. I am hoping that this will allow the Holy Spirit to freely work within me and to give me the power I need to finish the race, not to give up and be discouraged as I have done.

I will end with King David’s song from Psalm 51 because I felt such a kinship to his words. David is writing of his sorrow resulting from his sin with Bathsheba and because my own self-condemnation has been so heavy upon me of late I really felt his words.

Psalm 51:1 – 17 (NIV)

Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love, because of your great compassion, lot out the stain of my sins.

Wash me clean from my guilt, purify me from my sin.

For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night.

Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just.

For I was born a sinner- yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.

But you desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there.  Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me- now let me rejoice.

Don’t keep looking at my sins.  Remove the stain of my guilt.

Create in me a clean heart, O God.  Renew a loyal spirit within me.

Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.

Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you.

Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves; then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.

Unseal my lips, O Lord, that my mouth may praise you.

You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.  You do not want a burnt offering.

The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.  You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

 

Books, Christianity, Finances, Marriage, Money, Prayer, Quotes

Money Update

Sally

I thought it might be good to check in with you all on how I’ve been managing the money thing. I gave up my credit cards a good week and a half ago and like any addiction it isn’t an easy thing to overcome. This is how I’ve done; I bought a pair of wedges (in a color I do not have), a bunk bed cot for my boys that I’ve wanted for camping (I’m going to give it to them at Easter), four pairs of jeans for my son who grows super fast, and a Vitamix (yes, I know). I have to give myself a definite D- because none of the purchases were pre-approved by my husband and because yes, I still have been employing my wily ways. But I don’t get an F because I didn’t use credit cards to purchase any of them. I have more work to do in this area but I’ve confessed so at least it isn’t something I’m hiding.

On a more positive note, my husband and I did sit down and have the “budget talk” and there were no temper flares (my husband), no flurries of tears (me) and no blame. I didn’t get defensive and he didn’t show signs of denial that it is all me and not him. It was just a straight up adult conversation where we both openly discussed our money situation and what our goals for budgeting should be. I agreed with him completely and I feel very comfortable with what my part looks like. For the first time ever in our marriage I have felt like we are on the same team moving toward the same end result. That feels so good!

Because of this iron clad budget I won’t have the wiggle room to go rogue like I sometimes do. If I were to continue to spend like I did last week we won’t be eating, so that makes the stakes really high. We are talking weenies and beans people! Funny thing is I love a challenge and this definitely will be one. I can’t wait to blow my husband’s mind by all the ways I can cut costs and put more money on the bottom line for our dream. I feel invigorated and motivated, like I can add value. I feel empowered. That’s what dreams and goals can do for you.

Mark Batterson’s book, The Circle Maker: Praying Circles Around Your Biggest Dreams and Greatest Fears, has been one of the most faith inducing books I’ve ever read. There is so much to discuss from this book that I will have to come back to it many times as I blog. But one of the things Mark writes in reference to dreams and goals is this,

“When you dream, your mind forms a mental image that becomes both a picture of and a map to your destiny. That picture of the future is one dimension of faith, and the way you frame it is by circling it in prayer.”

He also writes,

“The simple act of imagining doesn’t just remap your mind; it forms a map. And that is the purpose of goal setting. If dreams are the destination, goals are the GPS that get you there.”

I can feel that map unfolding out before me and the dream coming into focus. But the best part is praying about it. I love how I can consult with God on these things and really lay them at His feet for approval or will or help or redirection. My husband has no idea that his dreams have been given up to God but the minute John asked for me to join him on a walk toward this specific dream of his, I invited God to direct and mold or even reconstruct that dream for His glory and purpose. I also asked God to protect our family from any snares of the devil or future hardship if these dreams are not appropriate for us. That is where the peace lies. I feel completely at peace with my role as the praying wife, my supportive spouse role and my role as contributing partner for this dream. Here is the gold; if this dream fails or blows up in our face, I’m completely at peace with that too. God is so good. He really does know how to bring peace that surpasses human understanding (Philippians 4:7) and He really will work all things together for our good (Romans 8:28). So, I’m back on track and really stepping out in faith that God is ultimately in control and I can feel free to continue to submit to my unbelieving husband in this way.