Category: Holy Spirit

Battle, Christianity, Church, Holy Spirit, Prayer, The End Times, The Storm, Uncategorized, War

Armor of God

Sally

Let me first reintroduce myself. My name is Sally, and like my name, I would consider myself to be very old fashioned. I have old fashioned principles, morals and tastes. I’m a conservative, a Christian, a stay-at-home mom and a wife who has little use for feminism. I like Turner Classic movies, classic novels, Christian music, and being a homemaker. I need to tell you this because what I’ve discovered is so shocking and outside the box for someone such as myself that I have no idea how I ever swallowed that initial red pill or squeezed down that first rabbit hole. I can only say that on some subconscious level I have always had questions that were silently stewing, questions that could only be asked from a place of good old fashioned common sense. Perhaps there are things we just know in our soul but have been conditioned to forget and the moment you dare confront yourself about these things your soul suddenly nudges you toward a different truth, a truth that ousts the lie. It seems truth will be made known, sooner or later, and with truth comes freedom (John8:32). For me, I’ve been a lifelong seeker and lover of truth and as the Bible promises us, if you seek you will find (Matthew 7:7). I believe I’ve been called to be a Watchman and my specialty seems to be reconnaissance. I’m not claiming that everything I’ve discovered is 100% accurate or true, I’m just asking you and myself to keep an open mind to the idea that there is a lot we don’t know or understand about the world and therefore this leaves a possibility for those things to be true. Unfortunately, there is overwhelming evidence that a large majority of what I’ve found out IS true and IS accurate and from that perspective I can only point us to God for the next step. As a Watchman it is my duty to sound the alarm and to inspire others to do the same. I pray I am not too late!

I’m going to start with the antidote first. The things that will be revealed are so horrific, so evil, so scary and so pervasive that if I don’t give you the antidote right now, up front, then I might lose you. You need to lean into our Lord Jesus Christ. Why would the occult be so widespread and so intently practiced (which I will show you later) if there wasn’t a God? The antithesis of evil is good, which is the age old idea of Satan vs God. There has never been such a testimony to the proof of God’s existence than the countless people who go out of their way to align themselves with Satan and his agenda. To do this they pervert and invert all the good that God has established and use it to worship Satan. Satan is the father of lies and the fabric of our society is built on these lies. Because of this battle between good and evil, we need to know right now, with absolute urgency and certainty, that The End is here! The End is the final battle, the culmination of centuries where God has been raising up a people, His church, His bride, His chosen ones, before He ends Satan’s reign once and for all. Our awakening is eminent and necessary so that we can put on our God given armor and fight with Him and for Him! God is real, He is taking action, but we are called to fight alongside Him and our cooperation and participation is necessary and vital.

As Ephesians 6:14-18 NIV details “Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the word of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.”

And also, as it is reflected in verse 20, pray that we all may declare the gospel and all of the truth fearlessly as we should.  The truth I have discovered will be explained further in following blogs and we need to couple this truth with God’s truth in the Bible so that we can understand the enemy and what we are fighting for and against. You would never want to have to go fight in the front lines of any war blind. It would be pointless because you would be an easy target and you would also be in danger of shooting people on the same side as you. This is actually happening right now. People are out “shooting” the good guys because they haven’t been awoken to the truth yet. They are actually undermining the war effort and are oblivious that they are fighting for the wrong side. We just can’t have that because a house divided falls (Mark 3:25).

Jesus also says in Luke 10:23 NIV “Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.”

Now is not the time to be divided, now is the time to unite and start a revolution in Jesus’ name!

We need our breastplate of righteousness in place. Have you repented of your self-sufficiency and asked Jesus to be your Lord and Savior? This is important for the cause. The evil you will face is real and the only protection that can be offered you comes through Jesus from God Himself.

John 14:6 NIV is very clear, Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

There is no tangible weapon that we will be able to use to obliterate the evil ones with. There isn’t some atomic bomb or machine gun or biological weapon that will have an effect on them. They live in a spiritual dimension and are spirit beings that cannot be killed. The only weapons we have are of a spiritual nature and the only effective way to war against them is God’s way. A breastplate is a protective covering. You need the enemy to recognize you as one of God’s children as it carries significant implications against them and gives you authority over them.

In Luke 10:18-19 NIV Jesus says, “I saw Satan fall like lightening from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.” In Matthew 16:18-19 NIV Jesus tells us, “. . . On this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”

In Matthew 10:1 Jesus gave His disciples the authority to drive out impure spirits and to heal every disease and sickness. In Acts 2:21 Peter reminds us that in the last days everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.  If you do not truly believe with all your heart that you are saved through the blood of Jesus on the cross then how can you stand firmly on the gospel in peace and with readiness? You just can’t. Once you believe and accept Jesus into your heart as your one and only Savior, only then can the gift of His Holy Spirit be supernaturally imparted to you and the fruits of that Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22) Without knowing Him you won’t know peace. It’s a peace that surpasses human understanding (Philippians 4:7) and this kind of peace is vital to stand up against the the type of ugliness that this war is being waged against, a war like none we have ever seen.

We need our shield of faith. Through faith in God, our salvation through Jesus, and in what the Bible says is true, we can be shielded from whatever the enemy tries to throw at us. If we renew our mind in the truth of the Bible, the enemy’s lies can be easily overcome. If we rest in the peace of our salvation through faith, we can learn to be fearless while facing the enemy head on. Through our faith that God’s Word is true and will be fulfilled, we get to know before we begin who wins this battle; spoiler alert it’s Jesus who wins and Satan and his legions get locked away for eternity. You really want to be fighting on the winning side (trust me or read Revelation). Having unshakable faith is vital to this fight as is our helmet of salvation because like in the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, (see the story in the third chapter of Daniel) we will be faced with some really scary stuff and we will need to be willing to calmly and confidently walk into that hypothetical fiery furnace knowing that God has a plan and even if that plan allows us to be killed in our flesh it does not end our eternal story. The key here is no fear. Fear is not an option in this war. Fear is exactly what these evil spirits are feeding on, literally, and I will show you proof of this later. If we give way to fear than we acquiescent to the devil. The only fear we should entertain is a healthy fear of the Lord and even then through His perfect love, fear is driven out (1 John 4:18).

As is stated in 2 Timothy 1:7 NIV “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

If we are timid (fearful) then we are not using our power and we need our power to defeat the evil ones.

This leads into a final and very vital weapon of this war, prayer. As was already pointed out in Ephesians 6, we need to be praying in all occasions, for God’s people, and for God’s anointed. Prayer is our weapon in the spirit realm. If you are unfamiliar with prayer or even if you are already a seasoned prayer warrior I highly recommend you read The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. We can be greatly encouraged about the power of prayer. Through prayer we deliver the most effective battle wounds to our enemy. God hears our prayers and deploys His Angel Army (in part) according to our collective voice. The Bible speaks for itself on this matter.

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16 NIV. Psalm 122:6 NIV “Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: May those who love you be secure. May there be peace within your walls and security within your citadels.” Psalm 5:2 NIV “Hear my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV “”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. “I will be bound by you”, declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” James 5:16 NIV “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” Philippians 4:6 NIV “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” John 15:7 NIV “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” Romans 8:26 NIV “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.”

This last verse is particularly close to my heart these days. After everything I have learned, there really are no words. The monstrosities that people have been capable of have left me shocked, speechless, and heartbroken. I used to think to myself, as I looked around, that the condition of the world was not that bad yet. God was only going to come when things were really, really bad. Sodom and Gomorrah bad (see the story in Genesis chapter 13). But, I now know that in many ways the current condition of our world is much, much worse because it involves our helpless and beloved children. Please consider these things that I’ve shared and ask God for guidance. If you are ready to take up arms for the battle that the Lord is calling us to, then please stay tuned here for the unfolding of some long ignored truth. I will try to deliver the next bits of information fast because I understand that there is an urgency to get as many people up to speed as possible. So, God willing or until I get censored, I’ll see you soon. God bless and protect America!

 

Books, Christianity, Holy Spirit, Love, Quotes

Happy Anniversary Lord

Sally

Today is the twelve year anniversary of my baptism. I am pleased to report that my seeking God has resulted in absolutely finding Him. There is so much more to know about Him and so much more to be refined in my walk with Him but He has been meeting me right where I’m at, just as promised.

Deuteronomy 4:29 (NIV) “But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul.”

The whole point of this blog has been to diary, document, and open dialogue about the difficulty of seeking God through the troubles, stresses and weaknesses that this human existence brings about. And yet, about six months ago, I experienced what I would consider to be a crisis of faith and my journey became so personally painful that I have been unable to share.

Then my mentor and spiritual mother in Christ recently asked me what I have learned so far, just in January of this New Year, that I could reflect on. I have been thinking about this and have realized that I have learned so much in just a few short weeks that my blog should be bursting.

So, not in any particular order here it is . . .

  1. Reasoning can be a sin and it is not normal for your mind to be in a constant state of reasoning.

I have turned a past conflict around and around in my mind trying to understand the “why” in it all and have only come up with lots of reasoning based on human understanding and this has been the cause of much confusion.

As Joyce Meyer points out in her book The Battlefield of the Mind, “Reasoning is dangerous for many reasons, but one of them is this: we can reason and figure something out that seems to make sense to us. But what we have reasoned to be correct may still be incorrect.” And also she says, “I want to experience the peace of mind and heart that comes from trusting in God, not in my own human insight and understanding.”

Me too!

  1. I have been increasingly convicted about the words I speak. I was told by the Lord in a big way, “Be silent!” about a situation and believe me I am trying to be obedient.

Proverbs 18:20, 21 (NIV) “From the fruit of his mouth a man’s stomach is filled; with the harvest from his lips he is satisfied. The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

I am convicted the Bible is telling me that I must be satisfied with the consequences my words have brought. But, as I sit in those consequences now, I can render it a reminder to try to only speak life going forward because those words should be sweeter to swallow.

  1. Wisdom is the knowing of what to do with knowledge.

I believe that I have been given a gift of discernment and insight, intuition perhaps. And it is a tool (along with empathy and my own human struggle) that I have often used in my relationships as I try to understand and meet people where they are at in life. But it can be a double-edged sword as well, a sword that could easily be turned back on my own breast.

The world’s definition of discernment is having the ability to judge well; insight means having the capacity to gain an accurate and deep understanding of someone or something; and intuition means the ability to understand something instinctively, without the need for conscious reasoning. You employ any of these “gifts” outside of God’s Word, apart from humility and without total reliance on His Holy Spirit and you can very well have a disaster on your hands. Yes, lots of times this understanding has helped me guide people back to God and true healing but I need not take that responsibility solely on my own shoulders but let the full burden be God’s.

To keep myself safe from trouble I must be residing 100% in the Vine. I must be completely in a place of humility and it absolutely can not be coming from a seat of judgment (as the world sees judgment) but merely from observation. Even so, maybe God will have me remain silent. Boundaries need to be in place, love in full action, and gentleness of Spirit evident. Prayer should be first and foremost. Communication with God before any other communication will commence.

  1. Love is an action not a verb.

I know that loving other humans is a command from God and a requirement for a holy existence, but I kept looking for the love feeling to produce the action. Now I know that it is the action regardless of the feeling that is where real love resides. Yes, to some this concept seems elementary but for me it was revolutionary. A lesson that has been hard learned but one I hope to never unlearn. I am now free to love lots of people in my life who have been very unlovely to me. And low and behold, my love has been reaping rewards of returned affection. This hasn’t been the rule but it is greatly welcomed and a true testament to the power of God’s Word and how His economy works. Much more on my love walk later.

  1. “Anger is a result of life-alienating thinking that is disconnected from needs. It indicates that we have moved up to our head to analyze and judge somebody rather than focus on which of our needs are not getting met.” taken from the book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall B. Rosenberg and Arun Gandhi

This has been a very life changing concept. If I am angry at my husband and I stop to ask myself if there is an unmet need at the root of my anger I can always find it. Same thing is true concerning annoyances with my children and my friends. If I am able to acknowledge the need that is the source I am able to understand the anger for what it really is and therefore I am able to address it head on as something I have need of instead of as something they are or are not doing. Then the responsibility is on me to communicate this need in an appropriate way and in so doing I might be able to get my needs met in the future which is much more proactive and less alienating then just getting angry about it.

This is helpful also when trying to understand why someone is angry with me. And a very standard need most people ultimately have is to be seen and heard.

As Marshall Rosenberg states, “Our need is for the other person to truly hear our pain.”

I can be a better lover of people just by taking the time to hear their pain in spite of their words and actions against me. I don’t have to take everything personal.

  1. Pruning is painful but so NECESSARY!

If anything or anyone (other than God Himself) is a prop in your life, God will kick it out from under you. I long to produce spiritual fruit and just like a tree that needs to be pruned for better growth and fruit bearing capabilities – we also need pruning. I like how after the dead stuff is cut away you are left with a clearer vision of your life and where it needs to be headed. I love how in the midst of the storm you cling to God all the more fiercely and He is so comforting through it. I love how when things seem to be impossible, that is when He is going to do His most evident work. I love how He works all things for our good. And I love how His love prompts His discipline. God is doing a work in me and like gold I need not be afraid of the fire because through it the impurities will be removed.

I have been through a lot recently but it is all but a mere flea bite compared to what our brothers and sisters in Christ across the world are suffering due to terrible persecution and oppression of faith. I must always remember to keep my problems in perspective! I am blessed and I need to be a blessing to those around me.

Whew, if this is what a few short weeks have brought I need to hold on to my hat for the rest of the year. It will prove to be a big one I think!

Books, Christianity, Church, Friendship, Holy Spirit, Love, Quotes

A Question of Love

Sally

Our family has recently been greatly blessed. And leading up to the finalization of this great blessing in our lives, I have been praying for God’s intervention. I have been asking for God to completely shut all the open doors if this would be a worldly snare rather than the good opportunity that it presents itself to be. And no doors were shut. I want to tell you how grateful I am, truly I am, for this blessing but I also want to have a moment of honesty and tell you that I am fearful. I really would have felt more “loved” by God had He shut this thing down. ‘No’ from a parent (for me) feels more like an acceptable and familiar act of love. I wonder, what does that tells you.

What it tells me is that I still have trouble trusting my Lord and that I am still greatly lacking in faith. It also tells me that I am unable to conceive a God who lavishly loves me and blesses me regardless of where I am in my spiritual walk. These feelings of unworthiness cut deep because they were laid as a central foundation to my faith back when my first ideas of God were being formed at the age of three. My religious background has me familiar with a disapproving God whom requires much before much is given and whose love is highly conditional. You could say that I was sold a “bad” Jesus but in reality Jesus was not even focused on in the church of my youth. Grace was unfamiliar territory but truth was heavily handed out bringing with it little hope of ever really pleasing God. The shocking truth about my religious journey is that I was not “saved” until I left that path and diverted to a church that could fully explain what Jesus’ death and resurrection really meant for me. I could have gone on for the rest of my life as things were and missed my salvation. That is scary. Being religious does not equal being saved and I am so thankful to an old dear friend of mine for having the courage to tell me so about fifteen years ago. I am not bitter or sorry that this was my upbringing. I have found it to be a huge blessing. Without this perspective I would not have been overly starved for grace and therefore I might not have found Jesus to be as necessary to anchor my life to as I currently do. And without having drudged through such thick and stifling religiosity I might not have the biblical savvy that I enjoy today. God uses all things for good. Regardless, I am still struggling to reconcile the Old Testament Father God persona that I knew so well for twenty plus years with a Father God who is the embodiment of love.

If I cannot accept God’s perfect love for me – if I cannot wrap my mind around it, embrace it and fully receive it then I don’t believe that I can truly love others in the way that He commands us to do. And without fully functioning in love, all is for nothing (1 Corinthians 13:3).

1 John 4:7-21 (NIV),

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.

We know that we live in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent His Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in god. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the Day of Judgment, because in this world we are like Him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do the punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

We love because He first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.”

If I really dissect this bible passage I could start hyperventilating. I mean, just take the very first part “whoever does not love, does not know God” and I am hung. Do you think I am being too hard on myself? I don’t. It is easy to love, by the world’s standard. Our English language allows the definition of love to be as simple as this; having a strong affection or liking for someone or something. I can love a French fry by the world’s standard but God’s definition is a lot more concrete. We are familiar with 1 Corinthians 13:4, the love passage read at most weddings, but have you really digested this passage. Here is where we find a thorough definition of love that should blow your mind. Here it says that love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, love is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs, love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. God’s definition of love is that it never fails. Pass the paper bag please!

My boys are at the very top of my love list. I am a mom and I love my kids but . . . I am not patient with them, I am not always kind, I have rules for them that are self-seeking, I am very easily angered and I do remember all the wrongs they have done in the past week or so. My love for them has definitely failed them at times. These are the potholes in my imperfect love for my most loved people in this world. Now, take that and let’s go love everyone else. There is one perspective that I had never considered before that recently was presented to me. If God is love, then He is also all of those things from 1 Corinthians 13:4. Is it possible for me to take all of this in, all that God is, in all the ways that He loves me and from there be so overflowing with His love that I can love others in return; even the difficult people, the stranger, the jerk, the selfish, the crazy?

I know that love is a fruit of the Holy Spirit and that the fruits of the Holy Spirit are a gift from God Himself to help us in this life to do as He has asked us to do, including to love others. I know that He never asks us to do something that He won’t equip us or help us to do. So, I need to step out on faith and just start loving people.

To make this step of love in faith I need to stop hiding. Everyone hides. We hide from each other, we hide our truths, and we hide from God. I have hid this blog from certain people; I have hid my truths from close friends so not to hurt them. I have hid my true identity from people I know because I believe they won’t understand or possibly reject me. All of this hiding has caused me to feel discouraged, forgotten and invisible. But, I’m not invisible. God sees me and He sees you too. I need to know this in my very core. He keeps track of every single hair on my head. He has a plan for me and for my life. He made me and He delights in me. My mentor recently gave me a book to read called The God Who Sees You by Tammy Maltby. I intend to do a study with this book to help me realize God’s love for me once and for all. I want to lay aside all of my old habits of self-condemnation and to allow His love to be actualized in my heart. I want to be filled up with love to overflowing.

One of our pastors at Flatirons Community Church, Scott Nickell, did a visual demonstration a couple of weeks ago that really helped me understand the cycle I have been stuck in. He filled up a glass of water to about 60% full and called that our “spiritual works” and then he used a pitcher of water to fill the glass to 100% full and he called that God’s grace. He showed how we can be short of water depending on our perceived good works, and how we allow God’s grace to top us off at times. But what we don’t understand is that regardless of any good works or spirituality on our part, God’s grace is always sufficient! It is overflowing out over the top of that glass no matter how empty we have it or how full of our own self-righteousness we think it is. That is also a great descriptor for His love for us, overflowing.

Come on, let’s get our love on.

Character, Christianity, Forgiveness, Holy Spirit, Personal, Prayer, Quotes, Words

Grievances

Sally

I hadn’t been able to write a follow up to my Dragon scales problem until now because I was still very much in the middle of it and truly confused about what was causing all of my turmoil. I am feeling much better this week and can finally see some things with clarity. I still do not understand all of the in’s and out’s of what was bothering me but what I have come to understand I will share with you now.

First off, I must confess that I was spiritually “coasting”. I had my feet off the biblical pedals and when things started to head up hill I didn’t have the oomph to get through because I had left my power source turned off. I don’t know why I wasn’t reading my daily bible or why I stopped talking to God regularly. I wasn’t mad at Him or trying to ignore Him in my life, I was just tired. I lost sight of the fact that especially when we are tired and discouraged we need to stay connected to God.

Also, smack dab in the middle of these past few weeks was Easter. I felt very flat and unemotional during this time. Because Easter is to be a holy reminder of a very big event in our Christian heritage, my level of disconnect was alarming to me. Jesus died on the cross for me and here I was pouring candy down my gullet in a way a severe alcoholic might pour whiskey down theirs. Having recently acknowledged a possible sugar addiction and just coming off a 10-day sugar detox, I saw this as a symptom of deeper stuff going on as well. My flesh was screaming at me.

Another thing, whenever I bowed my head to pray at church or in my prayer group, tears just poured out of my head. I didn’t feel sad, I didn’t feel angry, I didn’t have anything on my mind even. I was having an overwhelming physical response to what my spirit must have been feeling. Was my spirit grieving?

Luckily I happened to listen to one of Joyce Meyer’s programs on television. It really spoke to my heart and clued me in on some things that were going on, some sins that were eating at me. I ritually watch her program while I put my makeup on for the day, except not these last few weeks. Again, I was coasting. But for some reason I did watch this one. That reason, I believe, was because I needed to watch it.

Joyce was preaching directly to the subject of grieving the Holy Spirit. She said,

“I went to church for many years, I never understood the power of my words, did not understand them at all, therefore I just said what I wanted to, anytime I wanted to, and I was just constantly grieving the Holy Spirit and opening doors for the enemy in my life and didn’t even know it.”

Check and check. She points us to Ephesians 4:30 (NIV is my version) where it says,

“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”

I remember this.  I know you shouldn’t grieve the Holy Spirit but what I didn’t remember or know is what Joyce points to a few minutes later – verses 29 and 31! Verse 29 says,

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

And verse 31 says,

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”

Yes, it is my words that are causing me trouble.  I know I over share.  I tell too much information to all the wrong people. I occasionally will cuss and exaggerate. I sometimes have subtle forms of malice in my heart and what is in my heart my mouth eventually speaks (Matthew 12:34).  I need to be very careful that what I say is helpful according to other people’s needs. It needs to benefit those who are listening to me. That guideline alone will cut my conversations to an absolute minimum. I need to think hard before I open my mouth and I need to stay in touch with God continually for His help in this area because it is proving to be very hard.

Looking back over these past few weeks I wonder how I got so easily sidetracked. I marvel at how fast the enemy can use those moments of weakness to stage a full frontal attack. As Joyce also pointed out, our words can either speak life or death. I have been speaking death! I feel terrible that I have been speaking “death” over probably a truck load of people because my words were of this world’s standard and not God’s. This has become a very strong conviction for me. I think I will need to implement a word fast. I will limit myself to uplifting conversation, to conversation that is necessary, holding myself not to speculation but only to absolute truth. I am hoping that this will allow the Holy Spirit to freely work within me and to give me the power I need to finish the race, not to give up and be discouraged as I have done.

I will end with King David’s song from Psalm 51 because I felt such a kinship to his words. David is writing of his sorrow resulting from his sin with Bathsheba and because my own self-condemnation has been so heavy upon me of late I really felt his words.

Psalm 51:1 – 17 (NIV)

Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love, because of your great compassion, lot out the stain of my sins.

Wash me clean from my guilt, purify me from my sin.

For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night.

Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just.

For I was born a sinner- yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.

But you desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there.  Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me- now let me rejoice.

Don’t keep looking at my sins.  Remove the stain of my guilt.

Create in me a clean heart, O God.  Renew a loyal spirit within me.

Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.

Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you.

Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves; then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.

Unseal my lips, O Lord, that my mouth may praise you.

You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.  You do not want a burnt offering.

The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.  You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.