The Christmas dust has settled and a time for reflection is upon me; spoiler alert . . . I hate Christmas. I never celebrated Christmas as a kid growing up. We attended a church that was against embracing anything that had a pagan beginning regardless of worldly tradition. I married a non-believer and Christmas was introduced into my life in my early thirty’s. Then we had two kids and Christmas was off and running, running my life for one month a year. I innocently stepped on the Christmas treadmill, willingly even, but now I’m eleven years in and I’m rethinking it all. First of all, if you are the mom of your household YOU ARE Christmas. Nothing “magical” about the season happens if you aren’t pulling the strings. No decorations, unless you lug boxes of them from the basement and diligently put them up. No cookies, unless you spend a day turning your kitchen upside down to produce some. No great presents, unless you have done reconnaissance the last eleven months to really know what your people want and/or need and then suffered the mall more than several times or at best risked the internet to procure them. No presents wrapped, unless you made those eight trips to Target for the wrapping paper, tape, and endless other bits of paraphernalia to get the job done and then stayed up late several nights to finish. No Christmas cheer in a glass, unless you had made that trip to the liquor store and blown your food budget on drink. No Christmas Eve dinner, unless you spent double at Costco on meats, cheeses and sides and then had the energy to cook it all up, engineer it to come out of the oven in unison and then barely took your seat before it was all gobbled up. Wait, did you remember the Christmas morning casserole? Nope, forgot all about that. Is there a couple of fun things to put in the stockings? Only barely and I woke up out of a deep sleep in a panic because I had forgotten to stuff the stockings before I dropped into bed, so I found myself up at midnight taking care of that business too. No Christmas dinner, unless you can muster up to do it all over again for the other side of the family. Christmas is now over, who is going to put all this crap away? Oh yeah, me.
You are probably judging me right now. You might be thinking, “She doesn’t get it, Christmas is about Christ.” I say, “Is it?” I’m tired of trying to squeeze my God and my Jesus and all their glory into a pagan holiday that the world has developed and entangled in everything non-God and non-Jesus. How many advents do we have to add to our daily plate to try to keep our focus on Jesus? How can we go about the season and pretend that there is only joy and love and peace happening in our hearts. No, I declare it to be a lie. Christmas is a disappointment. Christmas can’t deliver because I can’t deliver. Jesus wasn’t born in December, it wasn’t even on the 25th. As the Puritan’s might say, “It’s not in the good book.” Christmas smacks of all the trappings of the devil. Over spend, give out of seasonal obligation, make it a pissing match between spouses of who is doing more while both go feeling under appreciated, spoiled children who have too much already showing little gratitude for the new gifts they receive. Extended family short on helping, missing the mark completely on gift giving and having zero understanding of Christ on a good day not withstanding the “CHRISTmas” day. Bah humbug. I’m ready to burn this day down, cross it off my calendar, leave the country that week or at the very least step off the world-induced treadmill.
Re-evaluation commence.
First, Christmas isn’t about Christ at all. It’s a pagan tradition overhauled centuries ago into something less pagan-obvious probably because no one knew how to do away with the whole thing without an uprising so they took the “if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em” stance and tried to reinvent Christmas into something Jesus centered. I applaud the effort but is God satisfied? How about we acknowledge St. Nick as the original gift giver and stop calling him Santa which isn’t a far off spelling of S-A-T-A-N. if we want to celebrate something then let’s celebrate this holiday as the “gift-giving” holiday, a holiday of generosity. We can stop trying to stuff God into this holiday and maybe approach it from a different perspective like acknowledging God’s blessings on our lives and using those blessings to bless others (which is actually a real theme in the good book). To allow this generosity to flow we probably need to let the other stuff go because I never feel so ungenerous as I do at Christmas. Lets put lots of thought over the year into gifts for the people we love and then happily wrap and present these gifts from a place in our hearts that is sincere and if we can’t give out of sincerity then here’s a thought, let’s just not give. I’m particularly offended at Christmas because my love language is gifts. People who have a love language of gifts are simply looking for signs that people know them and appreciate them for who they are, it’s not about the gift per say but about the thought behind the gift. When you wrap up swizzle sticks and put them under the tree for someone who doesn’t even drink then you probably aren’t conveying the message that you know them aka love them. Here’s an idea, we could forgo all the thoughtless knee-jerk gift giving and channel it to some charitable causes instead where your thoughtless obligation aren’t a problem.
Second, boundaries. If I’ve hosted the past five events then maybe I need to decline hosting the next one rather than risk becoming bitter and resentful. I struggle with this one only because love is an action and I can love my extended family by actively hosting. However, I need to take a mental inventory of my spiritual headspace and if I’m not in a good place then I have no business hosting because that just sets me up for insincere and begrudging actions instead of loving ones. No one wants to be part of an atmosphere built around that.
Third, the kids. Need I say more? Has anyone else noticed how badly we are failing our kids? Their actions show our failings. Did your kids clear the table and do the Christmas dishes? Did your kids show gratitude in the face of receiving a gift that was not on their “list”? Did your kids painstakingly pick out and purchase (out of their own money) a thoughtful gift for anyone else and then wrap it? Did your kids (or adults) put away their new electronics in the following week without a fight? Was there any mention of Jesus? Not in my divided secular home, and I challenge you to ask yourself these same questions even if all of you are devoted Christ worshippers. Dig deep and see if there aren’t some changes you might want to make for yourself next year. I doubt it will be a desire to add more trimmings to the holiday, probably quite the opposite.
Admittedly, I have work to do, that isn’t a question. My servant’s heart needs work and I’ll be working on it. However, I don’t think that the whole problem lies with me. I think that we have swallowed a fish hook whole and are having a hard time coughing it up. It’s not a popular view point, to hate Christmas, and it’s not realistic to say that I’m done with the whole thing either because I’m married with kids but I plan on having a family meeting and discussing what next year might look like. I would love to keep the stuff that they love if they love it enough to contribute. I would also like to call a spade a spade and stop trying to fight for God’s place at the head of the holiday table. He can handle himself. He has a plan and Christmas was not mentioned. What was mentioned was a time in the end when the two witnesses are murdered by the beast and while their bodies are rotting in the streets “the inhabitants of the earth will gloat over them and will celebrate by sending each other gifts, because these two prophets had tormented those who live on the earth.” (Revelation 11:10 NIV). What a horrible and unusual time to be prompted to be giving gifts to each other, just saying. I have never been able to find Jesus easily in the mess of Christmas but I have always been able to find Him in the quiet of night while I’m tossing and turning in my bed frustrated, tired, and deeply unhappy at the absence of “magic” in my home during a time when the world pretends there is magic in abundance. He knows my heart, my hurt, my desire to please not only Him but those in my sphere of influence. He forgives me when I find myself lost in the world’s overt use of Christmas to distract us from the “Jesus was born” thing. Because He WAS born, God made Himself flesh, not in a palace but in a barn and He died a horrific death on a cross a mere 30 odd years later. A sacrifice made on our behalf, the best and only gift we truly needed. His message should not be shared with a Santa myth (lie) nor hidden under discarded gift wrappings but in the forefront of our minds on a daily basis where we allow His truth to bend our hearts and minds to His will for our best lives to be lived in service to Him. This is where my Christmas spirit is going to die and my love for the Lord will be reborn, portioned out every morning for all the remaining mornings until He returns or I’m called home.
To all of you that have found the magic of Christmas to be real and satisfying I say “Merry Christmas”. I’m very happy for you and no offense meant. To all of you who are suffering at the expense of this holiday I say, “Me too” and I hope you can find a happy balance that works better for you and yours next year. Happy New Year!
Desperately Seeking Sally 